1 ball, 4 runs and 1 wicket

What are the ingredients of a horror movie in India? A good looking heroine, horrible looking hero, hero’s comedian friend who always cracks pathetic jokes, a house which looks like a normal house in the day and like an haunted house in the night, a weird character in the house like the servant or a gardener who comes every night with dim lighting to scare the young couple, intimate scenes between hero and heroine before the introduction of the ghost, Ghost gets into the heroine’s body, heroine becomes scary, Frying pan becomes a Flying pan in the house, neighbor’s dog dies, an amateur exorcist comes,the exorcist runs away, professional exorcist comes, everybody in the theater runs away.  This movie has most of these ingredients.. but….

In the opening scene of the movie, one lady is shown hanging from the fan. Lucky person, she doesnt have to see the rest of the movie. Then the scene cuts to a temple where the heroine is shown eloping with the hero. I didnt know if I had to feel happy or sad for the hero. After a fiery chase, few flying vegetables and more flying human beings and tons of artificial screeching sounds of the wheels they escape from her groom and both of them reach the haunted house. Even my four year old daughter could explain what would happen next but in a better way than what they showed in the movie. Yes the ghost in the house gets into the heroine’s body.

The next one hour of the movie revolves around how the people and other objects revolve (literally) around the house because of the ghost. The heroine now has more make up with the voice level literally crossing 100 decibels. She walks around the house without swinging the arm, with loose hair and a plain white saree and turns suddenly when she hears a noise. The movie now has more silent moments followed by a sudden and scary noise err music. The hero gets restless and so do we.

Finally the hero gathers courage and goes near the heroine (ghost) and when we expect him to do something bravely that would chase the ghost off, he falls at the feet of the ghost and asks the ghost to leave the heroine’s body. (Bull Shit – No.1) The ghost does what the audience wanted to do… spit on his face and tells him its flashback. Apparently there lived a woman with her husband in the house. One day both of them fight for watching TV. The husband wanted to watch cricket (Ha!! finally the reason for the title is revealed) and the wife, the last episode of a mega serial. The house was so huge that they have 3 floors in the house all for themselves but they couldnt afford a second TV (BS – No.2). During the fight the husband slaps the wife and she hangs herself from the fan (BS – No.3). Wow.. the first scene hanging and now. Is it the same woman?? Yes… the director did a recall. Amazing stuff from him. Who would have thought?

The flashback is over and now its the hero’s turn to spit on the ghost.. and asks about what she wants to leave the body. The reply is “I have to watch the climax of the mega serial which I missed”. Now I felt like hanging myself. The hero leaves to go to the channel office to get the recording of the serial and the movie gets over with the following line “To be Continued…”. I walked off the theater appreciating the director’s guts to take a Part two of this movie and expect audience to watch it without dying.

This movie review is written by Comedian Praveen Kumar. To know more about his upcoming shows follow him on Twitter @Funny_Leone